Tag Archive - Fake News

Disney Fires Eeyore – Not Depressed Enough

May 14, 2013 in Journal with 0 Comments

Disney Studios announced today that Eeyore, of Winnie the Pooh fame, has been terminated and that his contract was bought out for an undisclosed sum.

“He is no longer affiliated with Disney or the Winnie the Pooh franchise,” said Jay Silkman, vice president of media relations with Disney.  ”He’s been very upbeat lately, and frankly, while we are thrilled for him on a personal level, it’s just not consistent with the character of the depressed little grey donkey, that we all came to know and love.”

Eeyore could not be reached for comment, but neighbor and  long time friend Jack Wineberg indicated that Eeyore has been taking and responded well to the prescription drug Lexapro.  ”He’s a lot more fun to be around, but I’m afraid losing his job may send him spiraling back into that negative mindset that was such a part of his character,”  Wineberg went on to say.

Eeyore © by Sparkly Kate

 

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Angry Dolphins

January 9, 2013 in Journal with 0 Comments

Scientist at the University of Florida school of Marine Biology are announcing tomorrow a significant breakthrough in their 35 year study on breaking the Dolphin Code.  With the use of a massive supercomputer (Apple), and thousands of hours of research, they have, for the last three months, monitored and translated communication between two pods of dolphins  frequenting the feeding grounds just off the coast of Coco Beach.

They were shocked and disappointed to learn that dolphins appear to universally hate humans and have a running joke about how the whole dolphin saving humans from sharks is just a hoax.  “They just seem so bitter and angry,” one researcher said on condition of anonymity.

Dolphin! © by purpleslog

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ABC Cancels All New Shows

January 5, 2013 in Journal with 0 Comments

ABC announced this morning that they were scrapping all new shows and would immediately start airing old “vintage” TV shows. ABC has struggled for years to develop a winning combination of prime time shows and has been losing money hand over fist for the last decade. “We going with some proven commodities,” said Barry Greenberg, ABC’s Director of Development. “Let’s face it, the only show that we’ve had in forever that didn’t suck, was Lost.” He refused to comment on rumors of a Lost comedy spinoff.

Charlie Angels and Bosom Buddies will lead the way for the new lineup. “I’m not sure things could get any worse and we are excited about reintroducing Tom Hanks (pre-Splash) to a whole new generation of Americans.” Mr. Greenberg went on to apologize for the whole Desperate Housewives thing as well.

 

 

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