Wagon Tracks

Along the way she watched the landscape pass by and recede into the distance. She sat on the back of the wagon and bounced along with as it lumbered over old trails and new ones they made on their way through the “Land of Prairies” as Succotash Joe called it. She was enjoying the trip and while a little sore and tired, this journey was the new beginning she’d been dreaming about. A new life awaited her in the next village just over the hill. She worried that she would forget everything she learned in pioneer school, but the old scouts said she’d remember what she needed to know when the time came. She smiled a wry smile and then fell off the wagon into the prairie mud.

Rating 3.00 out of 5
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Rugs and Other Metaphors

Sometimes I feel like I have had the rug pulled out from under me and a pillow case put over my head and then I’m being hit in the head with a sock with a bar of soap in it. Or it could just be another pillow case with a bar of soap in it. I can’t see that well because my head is covered and I’m feeling woozy. Of course I’m being metaphoric, except for the part about feeling woozy.Youre-toast-and-other-metaphors-we-adore

Rating 3.50 out of 5
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Super Lottery

Happy Meal Credit

Happy Meal Hummer © by gadgetdude

Just the other day I was getting a Happy Meal and when I pulled around to the drive through window to pay, I had to use a credit card because I had no cash.  For some reason I felt it was necessary to apologize. “Sorry, I have no cash ($3.27), I’m just going to have to use my card.” 

I thought it was weird that I felt awkward/guilty about using the card instead of cash.  Afterwall, the drive through cashier couldn’t care less.  Maybe I felt bad because the credit card was stolen.

Rating 3.00 out of 5
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Nicknames

One of the most endearing things about my father was that he had special nicknames for everyone. They were creative and descriptive and had meaning. For example, he called my older brother “Fido”. Some people thought this to be a slight since they took it for a dog’s name, but my dad said it was short for fidelious, which was latin for faithful. He called my little sister “Kit” because he said she was little, but smart as a fox. My nickname was “BW” (Bed Wetter).

Rating 4.33 out of 5
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The Very First Clown

Bigfoot Bones

As an avid tree chopper, I’m in the woods a lot.  Sometimes you see and hear things that are unexplained.  I see signs that say, “Posted:  No Trespassing” and I can’t explain that.  But as I was saying, I think Bigfoot exists.  I think that Bigfoot and his red headed stepchild-like cousin Sasquatch are roaming around in the woods right now.

One of the objections to the existence of these noble creatures (by noble I mean vile, revolting, profane, and without mercy) is that we don’t find any of their bones in the wild.  Surely some of these creatures have died in the wild (from falls or high cholesterol – beef jerky).  My response to that is, “Hey, I know people exists and I’m not exactly tripping over people bones out in the wild.”*

*Did find pine cone shaped like a human vertebrae in 1988.

Rating 4.00 out of 5
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