A wise man once said, “If life gives you lemons, then make lemonade.” I think that sounds like an awful lot of work. I usually just pee my pants and that kind of looks like I spilled lemonade on my lap…same difference.
Just the other day my nephew asked me the difference between a “Garage Sale” and a “Yard Sale.” I told him that a yard sale was when people pulled old things or things they no longer wanted out into their yard and other people would come and buy them. I then told him that a garage sale is when people leave their things in their garage, but you can come in and still buy them…and that if you waited until the owners were not at home, that’s when you got the best deals. Look…an air compressor – one penny!
Sometimes people will say, “Man, I just don’t get your sense of humor.” Really? Well, I say, “If you’d take a break for five seconds from giving CPR to that box of kittens you saved from the fire, and think, you might just ‘get’ my sense of humor you arrogant jerk.”
Sometimes when it’s late at night and I’m just drifting off to sleep, I’ll think about things… I think about friends, memories, my parrot (Mr. Feathers) and ants. Good heavens the ants!
If scientists ever built a house that would enable us to live on the sun, I’d be really excited…but not too excited, because I’m more of a moon guy.
If I had to make my home in a bed of vines in the jungle, I would want to be able to crawl down in the vines so I could have a roof over my head. I hope that is not too much to ask?
I enjoy hiking. I usually prefer to be in a golf cart, and I drive the golf cart along hiking trails. Sometimes the cart gets stuck and I have to hike back to the ranger station. If that is not killing two birds with one stone then I don’t know what is. I don’t really kill the birds. I do throw stones at birds, but the chances of me hitting one and killing it are very remote. That would be somethin’ though, wouldn’t it?