When it was first announced that Antarctica was officially going to be recognized as a continent, it made a lot of people very happy. Those people like to keep score when it comes to continent trivia. If you ever meet one, you’ll know it right away. They are proud and loud and usually wear penguin t-shirts or t-shirts with boomerangs on them. Also, they are all Canadian.
He sat on the levy and stared out at the bayou. The sun would be coming up soon and he needed to get back to his levy- mud-cave and tell the other clown vampires that his idea that they should all wear squeaky shoes had just cost them the lives of two of the most loveable clown vampires you could ever meet. (Rest in peace Fangy and Joel)
Long walks had a way clearing his head. Every time he took a long walk he wondered why he did not do it more often. Something about the fresh air and his feet hitting the ground that seemed to melt away stress and calm him in some calming way. Even when it was cold and windy or raining, he loved these long walks. Pretty soon he started doing them daily and if he missed one, he would pitch a fit and crawl under his desk in the fetal position and suck his thumb. He also loved naps and fresh milk.
Whenever I find myself watching bowling on TV it is like a 99 pound gorilla alarm clock wake-up call. Is this what my life has come to? Why am I wasting away in this dank basement watching bowling? I should go outside and enjoy the wonderful world of nature. Even if I just lie in my hammock and snooze the day away, This is still much better than being cooped up in that house watching bowling of all things. I wonder if I could bring the hammock inside, or better yet, are hammocks allowed in bowling alleys?
Mike asked how my writing was going. “Not that well Mike. Thanks for asking.” I got so angry that I ran outside and chopped down a tree. The tree fell on Mike’s car and he was furious. To smooth things over I threw my ax down and ran like the dickens.
“Rusty” is what they called him and he really hadn’t given it much thought since the moniker was hung on him back in grade school. He couldn’t even remember why he was called Rusty. Maybe it was because he had red hair, or maybe it was because he had a rusty nail permanently lodged in his forehead.
My cousin Little Ted (no relation to my best friend Ted) loved animals. Unfortunately he let this love of animals take over and it destroyed his life and drove away all of his friends and family. It all started out with a dog when Ted was 9. He “bonded” (his words not mine) with a “rescue” dog, especially after it saved him from the fire.
Apparently he felt so beholding to this pooch that he frequently took the critter on walks and scratched his belly. We were worried but we all knew it had gone too far when he taught the dog to catch a Frisbee. Just when we thought things could not get worse, Little Ted told us that he wanted to go to a special school to become an animal doctor. We all laughed and pointed and I even hid his dog’s Frisbee just to prove how dumb this idea was. Poor Little Ted. He had so much promise as a young lad. After high school he went away for a while. He eventually came back to town after 7 years of college. He married another “animal doctor” that he met at Cornell and they opened a dog shelter and free vet clinic together in our little town. What a tragic wasted life.