Tree Talk

If trees could talk I would love to hear what they had to say. But what if I didn’t understand their language or what if their accents were so thick that their constant chatter just sounded like some grating noise. Like nails on a chalkboard, but more treelike. This noise would seep down, down into my brain and I would be forced to chop them down. I would chop them and chop them until they stopped talking. Then I would listen and all I would hear was silence. Except for one tree that was still moaning, then I’d have to chop some more. Man, I’m sure tired from all this chopping.

Rating 3.00 out of 5
[?]

Once an Eagle – Johnny’s Horrible Choice

Eagle from Kerala - closeup view © by Rameshng

As many of you know I a big animal lover and I sometimes think about what it would be like to be an animal.  I even have an idea for a children’s book where a little kid finds a magic lamp, but instead of getting three wishes from Robin Williams, he gets to decide what animal he’d like to be for a day.  The plot would involve him making a horrible choice and having a miserable traumatizing day as an animal.  This way he learns to appreciate being a little boy and how he has it so much better than any animal.  This is kind of a Fantasy Island formula.  Remember how the guest would get what they wished for, but it never turned out to be what they really wanted?

So, as I have been crafting this children’s book plot, I have spent a lot of time (12 hours per day since Labor Day) thinking about what animal I would choose to be.  I did this because I think it is important for me to get this settled before I can write with intellectual honesty about Johnny’s Horrible Choice.  (Working Title)

After much time, research, and gut wrenching deliberation, I decided I would like to be an eagle.  I feel this is a very good choice for the following reasons.  First, you are protected from man, in that it is not legal to hunt eagles.  This is not a guarantee that you won’t get some poacher who takes you out or that you don’t get sucked in to a jet engine, but it lessens the odds of being killed by the ultimate apex predator, man.  Secondly, while there other animals in the wild that can kill an eagle (grizzly bear, cougar, etc), being able to fly reduces the chance of being cornered by some aggressive predator without a way out.  Again, not 100% safe, but safer than being a rabbit (17th choice in my latest list).  Also, I have always dreamed of flying.  I think this would be the coolest thing in the world and being able to exercise so much freedom and go wherever I wanted would be exhilarating.  But since I can’t afford a plane ticket, I figured flying as an eagle would be the next best thing.

Finally, I’d like to have the keen eyesight of an eagle.  Being able to see a dessert mouse from 20 miles away would be a neat trick.   But at the end of the day, as good as it would be to be an eagle, I’ve changed my mind.  I now choose (effective immediately) to be a cockroach.  This way I could survive a nuclear war.

Rating 3.00 out of 5
[?]

Memory Closet

It was just a closet.  Nothing special.  Clothes hanging on hangers.  But it was more.  It housed garments that triggered memories and evoked emotion.  I flipped through the garments, sliding the hangers and examining each article. Each item revealed a story. Memories of evening with friends, of long walks by the lake with Mary.  Some still had the smells from the last time I wore them strengthening the  memories and making the images in my mind more intense, more real.  Some of the items triggered no memories at all.  Some still had their tags on them and hung on the rack like a rejected stepchild.

My waxing nostalgic and trip down memory lane came crashing down when I realized that I was not looking in my closet, but had wondered into Baby Gap.

Rating 4.00 out of 5
[?]

The Tragic Life of Alligator Mike

Alligator Mike cuffed and rolled his blue jeans up to his knees. He eased into the muddy water and felt the slimy mud squeeze between his toes. He had done this a hundred times, but each time he was terrified and thrilled all at once. He saw the gator’s head protruding out of the muddy surface of Buck Creek. He lunged forward in one gliding motion bringing all of his 225 pounds down own the reptiles back. The animals responded by thrashing and slashing the water with its massive tail. The battle was over in a matter of minutes and Alligator Mike was no more. He had lost this battle. He fought one too many gators and misjudged the size of this old beast. The gator was too powerful and he pulled Alligator Mike underwater until his lungs filled with the milky brown water from the creek. Years later they found Mikes wallet downstream. In some twisted attempt to add to the tragedy of his horrific death all the cash had been removed from the wallet.

Rating 3.00 out of 5
[?]

Smelly Ross and His Frumpy Clothes

The first time he saw Ross he was a little taken back. He smelled and he looked odd, but it was hard to narrow it down to one odd feature. His nose was normal, but the rest of his body seemed like it didn’t fit. His clothes were floppy and oversized and he shuffled about instead of walking like a normal person. He reminded him of a monkey he’d seen at the circus when he was a kid. But he was not a monkey and he didn’t throw feces. He was however, a bear dressed up like a man. A man named Ross the Hobo Bear who could ride a bike and talk like a person.

Rating 3.00 out of 5
[?]

Nick Offerman Shower Thoughts

Rating 3.00 out of 5
[?]

10 Things We Learned from Falling Skies Episode 8.24.14

falling_skies_season_4Last night’s episode of Falling Skies was my favorite of the current season so far. I was getting weary of the beaten down, nothing going right, one crisis after another Second Mass. I wanted to see a ray of hope and victory on some level. I got that last night with Lexi waking up and smelling the Espheni coffee so to speak. Here are some observations:

  1. Matt and Hal are still super annoying and Ben is always likeable.
  2. Maggie is a ho.
  3. Lexi pulled off the red cape thingy.
  4. Ann is still a hoty.
  5. Pope’s I don’t care but I really do care shtick is getting old and redundant.
  6. Tom is getting a little full of himself, but I like it. #hubris
  7. The whole drawing straws thing was weak.
  8. Are they going to find the girl with the whistle and what are they going to do with her?
  9. What happened to Mira Sorvino (Sarah – Popes Girlfriend) did she bail last week?
  10. Why are the Espheni so tall?

 

Rating 3.00 out of 5
[?]
Page 1 of 3512345»102030...Last »